got ink? lol

I got my first tattoo today.. Well, got it STARTED.. LOL.. I have to go back to get it colored in because my artist is an apprentice, and hasn't learned the methods involved in coloring and shading yet... But, that's okay, because I wouldn't go to anyone else in the world!! The tribal is going to be black (of course), the heart is going to be red, and I'm THINKING about blue for the flame... Not 100% about that yet.. But, when it's all finished, it's going to be worth it...

some good news for once....

i have some good news for once on here!!! lol. i got called from movie gallery today!! i go in tomorrow to fill out my paperwork and get put on the schedule!! i can't thank jon boy enough!! if it weren't for him, i wouldn't have this job!! oh-- and-- i'm feeling like a million and a half times better now!!! no more nausea, no more getting sick... still a little dizzy and lightheaded at times, but nothing like it was... aannndd--- i'm feeling a lot better emotionally than i was.. everything at home is going great now.. jason and i are doing wonderful, and he's showing me that he loves me more and more... sooo-- things are looking up for me!!! hope everyone's doing well!! thanks for listening to the update!!

*blechk*

ok.. so i've been feeling "icky" for about a month now.. i feel dizzy, light-headed, and nauseous EVERY morning.. now, it's starting to last longer and longer throughout the day, and starting to be worse in the mornings... i'm starting to get to where i'm dry-heaving in the mornings.. a few nights ago, i was sitting at good ol' tsc hanging out, and i started getting really strong pains in my back.. my mom thinks i either have the beginnings of shingles, or that i'm pregnant.. i have already taken two pregnancy tests, and they both said not pregnant.. if i were to get pregnant, this would be the biggest miracle and surprise in my life.. i would be over-joyed if i were to get pregnant, but i don't think it's going to happen for me.. all i can do is keep praying that God will bless me with a child. i know i'm not too old or anything, because jason's mom was 37 when he was born.. but i'd like to be a little bit younger than that.. but ok, i need to go to bed before i get sick.. hugs!!! and thank you for listening to me complain... i'll give an update on what's wrong with me when i get one..

Rayne Elizabeth Nichole Givens

Rayne Elizabeth Nichole Givens was born at 8:07 this morning to proud parents Lisa Kennaw and Ben Givens. She weighed 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and was 19 inches long.

There is a reason why this is a special birth for not only Lisa and Ben, but for everyone that knows them.

Exactly one year and six days ago, Lisa and Ben gave birth to their first daughter, Brittany Nichole Givens, who was stillborn. Therefore, everybody was even more nervous, anxious, and scared than with a normal pregnancy. This morning, God was with us. When I heard that perfect little girl cry, I cried. Everyone present cried. It was hard not to!

I just wanted to show off this new, BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT little baby girl!!!

7 years...

so yesterday (8/9/08) was mine and jason's 7 year anniversary of being together... an occasion that i should be so happy and filled with joy.. but, as i'm sitting here reflecting on the day, i realize one thing... i spent most of the day not happy.. i was either irritated, or not feeling well, or thinking about what happened 2 weeks ago (to the day)... and i'm sitting here wondering if it's really worth it.. is it really possible that i love and need him this much that i am willing to try to put IT behind me.. can i forgive him?? and then i realize just how bad that sounds.. and i realize that God forgives everyone for everything, as long as they ask for forgiveness and truly believe in and love Him.. and now it has me thinking, does jason want to be forgiven, or does he not care?? he told me he was sorry, and he tells me he loves me, but does he mean it?? does he really love me?? how much of what he has told me is the truth? do i really want to know?? he hasn't asked me to forgive him.. and that might be a good thing for right now, but i know that down the road, i would like for him to ask for my forgiveness, not just expect it of me... i mean, he broke my heart... why should i just offer forgiveness? but, at the same time, i realize, he has never asked me for anything.. he never asked me to date him, or to be his girlfriend, or to move in, or to marry him.. none of it... it was all just expected... so will he ever ASK for forgiveness.. probably not.. so now i'm trying to figure out how to get one thing... CLOSURE.. what will it take for me to have closure in this whole situation.. will i ever find it?? and also, will i ever be able to listen to my favorite radio station without hearing a song that makes me cry every 15 minutes?? i don't know.. i just wish that i could find a way to heal, because this is really hard, and it hurts really bad...

on a side note, i have a few people that i would like to ask you to pray for...
1- Brian Harless.. My cousin Tara's cousin.. he is in the hospital, and he's not doing very well, but they think that his kidney might actually be able to be saved... and he's eating again!!! so a little good news at least..

and 2- My friends Leetha and Patrick.. they're going through a really hard time right now, both financially, and emotionally.. their home burnt down about 3 years ago.. they can't afford to finish the house, and they got screwed over by the insurance company.. so they have been living in a pole barn with no running water for the last 3 years.. and also for Leetha's son Tommy... He made a mistake, and now he's trying to find a way to live with himself.. he was sentenced to prison, and he just had an early release hearing, and his release was denied.. I am very scared for him, necause i am afraid that this genuinely GOOD KID is not strong enough mentally and emotionally to make it...

so if you could just think about them for a brief second while you're saying your prayers, i would appreciate it A LOT!!! thank you!!

smiles come when they're least expected...

I was having a terrible time, and going through something that no person should ever have to go through. So, thankfully Liza and her girls were in town for a while, I went to church. It really helped me. I enjoyed the services, and I loved having TWO TRUE FRIENDS that I could count on that I know will always be there for me, regardless of how long we lose touch for. One friend from high school, Liza (of course), and one friend who I have neglected for many, many years... I realized Sunday, July 27th just how much I have been needing this friend; how much I have been neglecting this Friend who has been there for me all along. So on Sunday, July 27th, I opened up to this friend. I welcomed Him back into my heart. I remembered the joys of going to church, and in following God's word. I am very happy and proud to announce my new-found life-long friendship with God. For without Him, I am nothing.


But, on a lighter note, here are some pictures of Grace and Libby from 7/27/08 after church.

Miss Grace looking beautiful..

and Miss Grace devouring a chicken nugget :)

And Miss Libby playing on the playground after church.

Libby got some SERIOUS static electricity after going down the twisty-slide..

It was extremely cute, and hilarious!!

Little Miss Independent!!

Absolute Beauty..

These girls, along with their crazy, wacky, zany, WONDERFUL mommy helped me through a really, REALLY hard time. Thank you Liza for everything!! I hope you like the pictures!! And I can't wait to see you again!!!

how?

how am i supposed to heal myself, and forgive and forget all at once? how do you forgive someone for breaking your heart? how do you forgive someone for taking everything you believed in and crushing it right in front of your face? how do you forgive someone for taking the most important thing in the world to you and ruining it? how do you forget something that will forever be embedded in your memory, something that was burned into your eyes? how do you forget the single worst moment in your life? how do you heal when you can't even imaging going a single day without crying? is it possible?? am i strong enough to do it?? dear God, please help me to be strong enough to work through this....

so excited!!!

i am so excited!!! i get to see liza and libby and grace tomorrow!!!! last time i saw liza, she was pregnant with grace!!

today i went to haylie's 1st birthday party.. it was a BLAST!!!! i absolutely LOVE 1st birthdays!!! here's some pictures to explain why...

she absolutely DESTROYED her little cake!!!

isn't that icing covered smile beautiful?!?!?

she didn't care much for her tiara... but it was still cute!!!

here she is playing with the baby i got for her.. every little girl needs a doll baby....

and here she was just jibber-jabbering away playing with a clothes box...

it was amazing today... i loved it... i can't wait for mitch's birthday!!!

this is getting really frustrating...

ok, so i'm getting rather peeved right about now... i haven't even had my truck back for a week, and it's already down again.... my check engine light came on today, and when i called autozone to find out what the code meant, i got really ticked... it's an overdrive solenoid something or other... the definition of the code is that there is erratic behavior in the overdrive system... which means.. i don't know.. i don't know if this is a part of the transmission itself, or if it's something else entirely.. so tomorrow jason has to call the transmission shop, and see if this is included in the warranty that came with the tranny rebuild.. i hope so, but at the same time, i hope it's something we can fix here... but i guess i'd rather have it covered under warranty and get it fixed by a professional... i just wish that i could have my truck running like it's supposed to and not have to take it to the shop every other frickin week... but ok.. enough griping.. i gotta go so i can get ready for and go to bed... goodnight....

my baby

i can drive my baby again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry... i'm a little excited about it.... i've missed my truck so much!!! but.. on the down side, i have to take her back to the transmission shop, because it's not shifting 5 times like it's supposed to, which is putting my rpm's a little higher than i like.. granted, she's only running at 2200 rpms at 60 mph, but i liked it better when she was running 1600 rpms at 60.. lol.. but she shifts beautifully, and the temp gauge works again.. the problem there was the thermostat was stuck open, and the sensor was bad... we found out that with dodge, if you click the key on four times, on the fourth time, if you look at the odometer, the error code pops up.. which completely eliminates the need to go to autozone or advance auto, or a mechanic to find out why my check engine light is on.. and after you fix the problem, you don't even have to go to get the light reset, because after driving her, the light resets itself!!! my truck is basically AMAZING!!!lol.. and i got my windshield sticker put on.. i think i need some tribal on the sides, but i'm not sure... but i love my baby!!!