7 years...

so yesterday (8/9/08) was mine and jason's 7 year anniversary of being together... an occasion that i should be so happy and filled with joy.. but, as i'm sitting here reflecting on the day, i realize one thing... i spent most of the day not happy.. i was either irritated, or not feeling well, or thinking about what happened 2 weeks ago (to the day)... and i'm sitting here wondering if it's really worth it.. is it really possible that i love and need him this much that i am willing to try to put IT behind me.. can i forgive him?? and then i realize just how bad that sounds.. and i realize that God forgives everyone for everything, as long as they ask for forgiveness and truly believe in and love Him.. and now it has me thinking, does jason want to be forgiven, or does he not care?? he told me he was sorry, and he tells me he loves me, but does he mean it?? does he really love me?? how much of what he has told me is the truth? do i really want to know?? he hasn't asked me to forgive him.. and that might be a good thing for right now, but i know that down the road, i would like for him to ask for my forgiveness, not just expect it of me... i mean, he broke my heart... why should i just offer forgiveness? but, at the same time, i realize, he has never asked me for anything.. he never asked me to date him, or to be his girlfriend, or to move in, or to marry him.. none of it... it was all just expected... so will he ever ASK for forgiveness.. probably not.. so now i'm trying to figure out how to get one thing... CLOSURE.. what will it take for me to have closure in this whole situation.. will i ever find it?? and also, will i ever be able to listen to my favorite radio station without hearing a song that makes me cry every 15 minutes?? i don't know.. i just wish that i could find a way to heal, because this is really hard, and it hurts really bad...

on a side note, i have a few people that i would like to ask you to pray for...
1- Brian Harless.. My cousin Tara's cousin.. he is in the hospital, and he's not doing very well, but they think that his kidney might actually be able to be saved... and he's eating again!!! so a little good news at least..

and 2- My friends Leetha and Patrick.. they're going through a really hard time right now, both financially, and emotionally.. their home burnt down about 3 years ago.. they can't afford to finish the house, and they got screwed over by the insurance company.. so they have been living in a pole barn with no running water for the last 3 years.. and also for Leetha's son Tommy... He made a mistake, and now he's trying to find a way to live with himself.. he was sentenced to prison, and he just had an early release hearing, and his release was denied.. I am very scared for him, necause i am afraid that this genuinely GOOD KID is not strong enough mentally and emotionally to make it...

so if you could just think about them for a brief second while you're saying your prayers, i would appreciate it A LOT!!! thank you!!