a little scared...

i have to call the doctor tomorrow (today) when i get up, so i can find out 1-how much an office visit costs, 2-how much a diabetes test costs, and 3-how soon jason can get in... this scares me so much because his mom was in her early 50's when diabetes killed her.. i don't know what we're going to do if he is diabetic, because we're both unemployed, and we wouldn't be able to afford the testing meter, strips, and medication... i don't know what we'll do... i'm so scared that he's diabetic and something's going to happen to him and i'm going to lose him young... i never realized how much the thought of losing someone could scare you... i just want to cry right now, but i have to stay strong for him, because he's terrified... i just don't know... i don't think there are any words to describe the feeling i have now, because it's more than fear... but i know God has a plan, and whatever is meant to be will be..... all i can do is pray...